Number 9
Don't tell us that if our birth mothers loved us, they wouldn't have given us away.
My birth mother was only seventeen and as a minor she had little to say over the matter. She isn't the only one. My mother loved me very much and I lived in her heart nearly forty-one years till we found the way back to each other. Most birth mothers never forget the child they gave away. They remember us on our birthdays, holidays, and day-to-day. Adoptees were loved and will always be loved by their biological mothers (birth fathers are a separate issue, I won't go into here), so remember they had other reasons for giving us up for adoption, and not loving us isn't one of them.
Thoughts, please.
Showing posts with label adoptive parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoptive parents. Show all posts
Monday, October 24, 2016
Monday, October 10, 2016
10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know
Number 7
Don't lie to us about our birth mothers.
When we ask about them tell us what you know. If you don't know, say so but don't make up something that will reveal itself one day as a lie.
Even white lies are lies. We may be adopted, but we're not fragile and definitely not stupid. We can handle the truth, give it to us.
Were you lied to as children? What did it feel like when you discovered the truth? Leave a comment below.
Don't lie to us about our birth mothers.
When we ask about them tell us what you know. If you don't know, say so but don't make up something that will reveal itself one day as a lie.
Even white lies are lies. We may be adopted, but we're not fragile and definitely not stupid. We can handle the truth, give it to us.
Were you lied to as children? What did it feel like when you discovered the truth? Leave a comment below.
Monday, September 12, 2016
10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know
Number 3
Not all grass is greener on the other side.
Our biological side might not have been ideal for raising a child but not all adoptive sides are ideal either. I was lucky as many others are. I had wonderful adoptive parents. My birth mother's life wasn't easy. But look at the cases reported of abuse by adoptive parents or murder by adopted children. Situations happen and it's not because we're adoptees. Genetic mental issues can lead an 'adoptee' to murder, but can anyone say that the same person with the same predisposition would not have done the same had he been raised by his biological family? I don't think so, unless you can claim to be some kind of prophet.
What are your thoughts on this? Leave a comment below.
Not all grass is greener on the other side.
Our biological side might not have been ideal for raising a child but not all adoptive sides are ideal either. I was lucky as many others are. I had wonderful adoptive parents. My birth mother's life wasn't easy. But look at the cases reported of abuse by adoptive parents or murder by adopted children. Situations happen and it's not because we're adoptees. Genetic mental issues can lead an 'adoptee' to murder, but can anyone say that the same person with the same predisposition would not have done the same had he been raised by his biological family? I don't think so, unless you can claim to be some kind of prophet.
What are your thoughts on this? Leave a comment below.
Monday, September 05, 2016
10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know
Back with the next one in our series.
2. Since adoption is no secret and when the adopted child grows up he or she will learn about the birds and the bees anyway, don't tell us, as children, that we were brought by the stork, or found in a cabbage patch, or even that we smiled at you so you knew we were yours.
As an adoptee and as a mother of three biological children I will say this once and only once - all babies smile, and they'll smile at any face they see. Our smile did not pick you, and in most cases you either chose us before ever seeing our smile or you met us when we were given to you to raise.
Were you told you were adopted? If yes, what was the story told to you? If no, how did you feel about that when you found out? Please comment below.
2. Since adoption is no secret and when the adopted child grows up he or she will learn about the birds and the bees anyway, don't tell us, as children, that we were brought by the stork, or found in a cabbage patch, or even that we smiled at you so you knew we were yours.
As an adoptee and as a mother of three biological children I will say this once and only once - all babies smile, and they'll smile at any face they see. Our smile did not pick you, and in most cases you either chose us before ever seeing our smile or you met us when we were given to you to raise.
Were you told you were adopted? If yes, what was the story told to you? If no, how did you feel about that when you found out? Please comment below.
Monday, August 29, 2016
10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know
As an adoptee myself, I read many things that other adoptees write. One of the aspects, in any pieces written by adoptees, that stands out is the cry for change in how the adopted child and/or adult adoptee is treated.
For the next ten weeks I will post one thing a week that many adoptees want you to know.
1. Adoption is not a secret.
Don't hold the truth about our origins from us. Tell it to us as appropriate for our age, but please don't make it a secret. If you, the adoptive parent, won't be the one to tell someone else will. We'd rather it be you.
What are your thoughts on this? Please comment below.
For the next ten weeks I will post one thing a week that many adoptees want you to know.
1. Adoption is not a secret.
Don't hold the truth about our origins from us. Tell it to us as appropriate for our age, but please don't make it a secret. If you, the adoptive parent, won't be the one to tell someone else will. We'd rather it be you.
What are your thoughts on this? Please comment below.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Have you heard? U.S. to join the Hague Adoption Convention
November is turning out to be a month of positive steps in the right direction on the Adoption arena. Breaking news this morning from the Department of State announced that it will deposit the instrument of ratification on Dec. 12th and an official announcement of the Convention going into effect in the U.S. will take place April 1st.
What this means for children awaiting adoption around the world is protection against corrupt practices such as abduction, sale of or traffic of these children. It also means that the adoption triad members will be assured of accountability and ethical practices by those involved in the adoption practice.
November is turning out to be a month of positive steps in the right direction on the Adoption arena. Breaking news this morning from the Department of State announced that it will deposit the instrument of ratification on Dec. 12th and an official announcement of the Convention going into effect in the U.S. will take place April 1st.
What this means for children awaiting adoption around the world is protection against corrupt practices such as abduction, sale of or traffic of these children. It also means that the adoption triad members will be assured of accountability and ethical practices by those involved in the adoption practice.
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