Friday, November 04, 2016

Bonded at Birth Virtual Book Tour stop at Live, Love, Laugh and Don't Forget to Breathe

Did you know November is National Adoption Month? Today I’m introducing Gloria Oren‘s book, Bonded at Birth, in honor of National Adoption Month. Continue reading

Monday, October 31, 2016

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

We've now come to the last item on our list, number 10.

Don't tell us we look adopted.

Heck, what is an adoptee supposed to look like?

Did Michael Reagan look adopted? How about Babe Ruth? Or George Carver Washington? Charlie Chaplin? I could go on and on. The list is huge. Did all these as a group have a special look that called out "I'm adopted"? Don't think so.

So why do you think adoptees should look adopted, whatever that look might be? Until you  can answer these questions, think before you speak. Adoptees will see you in a different light.

Has anyone ever said this to you? What was your response? Leave a comment.

Monday, October 24, 2016

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

Number 9

Don't tell us that if our birth mothers loved us, they wouldn't have given us away.

My birth mother was only seventeen and as a minor she had little to say over the matter. She isn't the only one. My mother loved me very much and I lived in her heart nearly forty-one years till we found the way back to each other. Most birth mothers never forget the child they gave away. They remember us on our birthdays, holidays, and day-to-day. Adoptees were loved and will always be loved by their biological mothers (birth fathers are a separate issue, I won't go into here), so remember they had other reasons for giving us up for adoption, and not loving us isn't one of them.

Thoughts, please.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Monday, October 17, 2016

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

Number 8

Don't tell us we're special.

We were children like every other child. We're adults like all other adults. What makes us special?

Why am I special? Is it because I have two families? Not so. Non-adopted children sometimes have two or more families, thanks to divorce and remarriage of one or both spouses. Is it because I may be multi-cultural? Isn't an immigrant family multi-cultural, too?

Tell you what, find me a good, logical reason and I'll be glad to have you consider me special. Until then, I'm just one of the crowd like everyone else.

Thoughts, please. Are you special and if so, in what way?

Monday, October 10, 2016

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

Number 7

Don't lie to us about our birth mothers.

When we ask about them tell us what you know. If you don't know, say so but don't make up something that will reveal itself one day as a lie.

Even white lies are lies. We may be adopted, but we're not fragile and definitely not stupid. We can handle the truth, give it to us.

Were you lied to as children? What did it feel like when you discovered the truth? Leave a comment below.

Wednesday, October 05, 2016

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

Due to the high holy days this is posting today instead of Monday.

Number 6

Don't tell us we're angry, we know it.

Wouldn't you be if all your rights to your history and heritage are not in your hands but in the hands of others who think they know better?

Back in the '50s when I was adopted was it really "in the best interest of the child," or "in the best interest of the biological mother," who most likely was a teen, a child herself.

Yes, adoptees are an angry bunch and our anger fuels our energy to press on for opening the gates to our history filed for so long in our sealed records.

Are your records sealed? How would you feel if they were? You ask if we're angry, shouldn't we be?

Your thoughts, please.

Friday, September 30, 2016

Monday, September 26, 2016

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

Number 5

We're halfway through.

Don't tell us to be grateful to our parents.

Since when has wanting to know one's history and where one came from become a hindrance affecting gratefulness?

Are all genealogists adoptees? No. So why can they seek out their roots of past generations but when we do it, it's interpreted as being ungrateful?

We are grateful, in fact many times, very grateful but we also have and want the right to know who we really are, where we really came from. Our roots. Our heritage.

Here's something to think about - our DNA know it all - but we don't. Nice thought! So what's so harmful if we knew?

Thoughts on this please.

Monday, September 19, 2016

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

Number 4

Don't give false information on our medical records.

First, this can be a dangerous practice, especially in an emergency situation.

Second, it is a great effort and time demanding task to clear one's record of false information, convincing the source we're telling the truth and have it all replaced with a big I DON'T KNOW.

How was your medical records handled as you were growing up? Did your adoptive family provide info that attained to their family or did they admit not knowing? Leave a comment below.

Monday, September 12, 2016

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

Number 3

Not all grass is greener on the other side.

Our biological side might not have been ideal for raising a child but not all adoptive sides are ideal either. I was lucky as many others are. I had wonderful adoptive parents. My birth mother's life wasn't easy. But look at the cases reported of abuse by adoptive parents or murder by adopted children. Situations happen and it's not because we're adoptees. Genetic mental issues can lead an 'adoptee' to murder, but can anyone say that the same person with the same predisposition would not have done the same had he been raised by his biological family? I don't think so, unless you can claim to be some kind of prophet.

What are your thoughts on this? Leave a comment below.

Monday, September 05, 2016

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

Back with the next one in our series.

2. Since adoption is no secret and when the adopted child grows up he or she will learn about the birds and the bees anyway, don't tell us, as children, that we were brought by the stork, or found in a cabbage patch, or even that we smiled at you so you knew we were yours.

As an adoptee and as a mother of three biological children I will say this once and only once - all babies smile, and they'll smile at any face they see. Our smile did not pick you, and in most cases you either chose us before ever seeing our smile or you met us when we were given to you to raise.

Were you told you were adopted? If yes, what was the story told to you? If no, how did you feel about that when you found out? Please comment below.

Monday, August 29, 2016

10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know

As an adoptee myself, I read many things that other adoptees write. One of the aspects, in any pieces written by adoptees, that stands out is the cry for change in how the adopted child and/or adult adoptee is treated. 

For the next ten weeks I will post one thing a week that many adoptees want you to know. 

1. Adoption is not a secret.

Don't hold the truth about our origins from us. Tell it to us as appropriate for our age, but please don't make it a secret. If you, the adoptive parent, won't be the one to tell someone else will. We'd rather it be you.

What are your thoughts on this? Please comment below.

Tuesday, August 09, 2016

Wednesday, August 03, 2016

Wrap-up of first FREE promo for Bonded at Birth

As of the end of the first free promo of my newly published adoption memoir Bonded at Birth: An Adoptee's Search for Her Roots I had 82 downloads. In addition I had 125 pages read in Kindle Unlimited downloads. Not too shabby, though I would have liked a bit more. Not complaining, though, as come Aug 23rd it will be on free promo once again and hopefully some word of mouth will have spread by then and more people will download it.

Now I'm off to start research prep for the big Virtual Book Tour launch come November which will run from November 1 through November 22, 2016. If you have a blog related to adoption (search & reunion or genealogy) and would like to host me and my book during this VBT please let me know. More info to come, stay tuned.

You will notice this blog has a new name and look. This is because the "new" one I was using at seems to have disappeared. From comments by other users the site has been down anywhere from five days to three weeks. Since I needed a blog to post on and was going to use that one, and still had this one on reserve, I had no choice but to give it a new look and change the title. The URL will be updated soon as well to reflect this change.

Till next time,